I do hope you’ve brought your opera glasses my dear, I wouldn’t want you to miss anything, although, truth be told, I think you can see those giant boobies from the farthest row. What do bodacious silicone boobies and the opera have to do with each other??? Oh, did I not tell you? We are going to the Anna Nicole opera at London’s Royal Opera House. “Ta da” (or should I say “ta-tas” LOL)…
Ready for a bit of high brow culture? Well, you’re not going to find it here.
Last week, Mr P and I went to see the Anna Nicole opera, and it was fab! No, I kid you not, it really was an opera. We aren’t talking about Puccini’s La Boheme here. This was a show about sex, drugs and trailer parks with a healthy dose of diamante. The last time I went to the Royal Opera House it was to see a performance of La Bayadere, a beautiful ballet. While there was still dancing involved, lots of that dancing took place on a poll (yes, really!). The opera tells the tragic tale of Anna Nicole Smith, as she rose from a redneck waitress at Krispy Fried Chicken, to a down on her luck sing mother, to a Wal-Mart employee, to a stripper, to a Hollywood darling, to an ageing billionaires wife, to a laughingstock, and finally to a complete and utter train wreck. It is the story of a girl, who may not have been the smartest tack in the box, but had some amazing looks to trade off on, and that’s just what she did to provide a good life for her young son Daniel.
Anna in her prime, modelling for Guess.
Back in the day, when she first hit the Hollywood radar, Anna was kind of like the 90’s answer to Mad Men’s Christina Hendricks. She was big for a model, but so beautiful. She honestly could have given Marilyn Monroe a run for her money (well, that was before she opened her mouth to speak anyways). You could say, the lights were on, but nobody was home. Well, she was smart enough to snag herself an old billionaire in his 80s, who dropped dead not long after their marriage. Seriously, the guy was so old, he looked like the Crypt Keeper!
From goddess to gold digger?? Only Anna really knows if she actually loved her husband.
Anna’s life was a media circus, and the opera really focuses on that period of her life. Anna made some stupid choices in her life, and surrounded herself with manipulative and highly opportunistic people, people who easily outsmarted her and used her fame to their advantage. Through humour, the opera recounts her story. It is a funny show with lots of laughs, but it’s also terribly sad.
My favorite part of the opera was when Anna’s decrepit husband, J Howard Marshall, enters the stage on his mobility contraption. It really was a laugh out loud moment:
He really plays the part of the dirty old man:
Hey, note the pee pee bag attatched to the wheelchair, yucky right?
While Anna is not exactly a completely innocent victim in her story, I couldn’t help but like her (in real life and in the opera). I can tell you one thing, the girl liked to eat, and I am down with that! So, for the cake segment of my Cake & Culture post, I am going to do something a bit unprecedented: I am eating my desert at McDonald’s. I think that’s what Anna would have wanted! You couldn’t imagine those giant breasticles bouncing into Laduree for some thé et macaron now could you? Nope, I think she is totally a Micky D’s girl. So I braved McDonald’s in all my Dior finery and ordered myself a fried pie *gasp* (after wiping down the seat of course). Well, why not? If you think about it, McDonald’s fried pies and Anna Nicole Smith have so much in common: they are both cheap, hot (so watch out, they can burn the crap out of you), they are totally loaded with chemicals, and they are both sweet guilty pleasures. Somehow I’d be shocked of Miss Smith hadn’t downed a few hundred of these in her lifetime. Currently they are doing a special edition cherry pie… so appropriate.
This one’s for you Anna daaaaahling *mwah*. Hope you are having fun and gettin’ down with your bad self at the golden arches in the sky:
“Had my slice of the pie, and when I was through I took all the other slices and ate them too. Anna here’s my new pie, she’s got a cherry on top. I’m gonna eat her until she begs me to stop.” (Ewwww!)
-as sung by the J Howard Marshal character, dirty old bugger!
Hilarious!!!What will they think of next!
Oh my gosh! I thought this was a joke! Hahaha! That picture with the wheel chair is cracking me up!
I’ve never had a fried pie, and to be honest it doesn’t look very inviting! I can feel my arteries clogging. That opera looks amazing though, they should show it at the Sydney Opera House
Hahahahaha this just totally made my weekend. I can’t believe they did a opera on such a thing.
You are funny! Anna Nicole Smith is like one of those fruit pies at Micky D’s for all the reasons you cited. Totally gross and effective was that pee bag in illustrating the sad situation.
LOL – don’t think I’ll be seeing this, but I enjoyed your post.
OMG! Love this post and love your site. Hilarious. Glad to see a food blog with some humor out there. XOXO
Oh my goodness HH, that is some opera. I’m glad I got to “see” it. Poor Anna Nicole, I never realised how gorgeous she was in her earlier years. Fried McD’s pie? I remember them! My mum used to let us have one as a special treat sometimes. We always burnt our mouths on them.
Oh Dear! I totally love your Cake and culture post!
Not sure I would go to watch the Anna Nicole Smith opera, though but I would dream of having that kind of shows in my not very-cultural- town… LOL
An opera celebrating a gold-digging, drug-addled, famous-for-being-famous disaster of a human being, who surrounded herself with sycophants who cared only about themselves, and who ultimately succumbed to her demons, leaving 2 innocent children in her wake seems a smidge…wrong, IMHO.
You are hilarious, and well so is the Anna Opera. I could read your stories over and over!
The opera sounds like a hoot! Tainted with incredible sadness. I think you hit the nail on the head with the MCD’s pies! You’re so clever!
Verrrrrrrrrry unique & funny,
I’ll be visiting again.
K. xx
That sounds hilarious. You’re hilarious! Glad I found you through Sweetlife’s site.
Awesome! The picture with the pee pee bag – wow! It looks like a lot of attention was paid to details
HH you crack me up! Now that’s the kind of opera that I would like to go see.
You gotta admit…if she can put up with a dirty old man in his 80s…she deserve something for that….and he must of died a happy man!
Without your glowing review the opera would sound as tragic as Anna’s demise. I have a bit of a soft spot for her I remember her from her guess add days.