I love it that I’m a girl, but sometimes it does suck. I mean, it’s not easy. We are always shaving, plucking, dying, straightening or curling something. God forbid, if you are like me and have a natural occurring uni-brow, you are in big trouble, sister! Woe is the girly who is of Mediterranean descent, I’ll tell you that much. To add to that, we are like on a constant life-long diet. Imagine how many beautiful cakes and delightful carbs we have to turn down just so we can fit into a certain outfit or look good for a special occasion. Come on guys, you don’t think that girls actually LIKE salad, do you??? No freaking way, it is a total act. We only like the salads that have loads of cheese in it. And the dressing is there to disguise the nasty taste of lettuce. Lettuce is for bunnies, not women. Come on, the stuff is practically grass. It is a garnish, not a meal.
If we are dedicated, then we have to go to the gym, and that really sucks too. Right now with this hot weather my gym is like a freaking sauna before I even get on the hamster wheel (treadmill). All that sweating is just gross and utterly laborious. If we do actually achieve a body we are happy with, by lots of hard work and several acts of god, then of course it should be shown off. We then need to spend oodles of money to display the goods via designer clothes and bags, jewelry, perfume, shoes… the list is endless. Oh yeah, don’t get me started on high heeled shoes. Sexy indeed, but fit for the human anatomy? Hell freaking no! I feel like an absolute drag queen when I wear them. A drag queen on stilts that can topple over at any moment.
I’ve always thought that women should be good to each other. That’s why I thought today we could share beauty secrets, because let’s face it, we all need all the help we can get. I’m going to give you some of mine, and then it is your turn to share with the class.
Heavenly’s top 5 Beauty Secrets:
Super strength girdles: Yes, really! I don’t wear them every day, but I do own a couple that I take out when I am trying especially hard to impress. You can’t go for the namby pamby stuff daaaahings. I’m talking about the 50s style girdles that you can barely get on, and leave huge marks on your skin when you take them off. Instant 5 pound weight loss. They also give you great posture and if they are really tight, you won’t be able to eat as much.
Benetint: I love this stuff. First of all, it doesn’t feel like makeup, it is completely weightless. Second, it doesn’t look like makeup when you have it on. It is a liquid “stain” that gives you a gorgeous natural glow. It is meant for lips and cheeks (although I’ve heard that some strippers use it on their nipples–yeah, too much information), and this one shade pretty much looks good on everyone. I think it is the best beauty product out there… Natural beauty my arse!
Moisturize, moisturize, and moisturize! …and use SPF during the day!: Every night before I go to bed, I moisturize. You don’t need expensive creams. If you don’t want to spend megabucks, Nivea creme is one of the most awesome products out there. When the weather becomes really horrid and cold, that stuff can be a life saver. When my skin is super dry and battered, I also use a layer facial oil underneath that. Yes, I am greasy as can be, BUT I look fabulous daaaaahlings, and that’s what’s important (…fabulous and shiny).
During the day, don’t leave the house without some sun protection. It’s not only for preventing premature aging, it’s also to prevent skin cancer!
Kerastase Nutritive Serum Oleo-Relax: Okay, so I said you didn’t have to spend loads of money to achieve nice skin… but as for hair, well, for hair you gotta shell out the dough daaaahlings. I love all the Kerastase products. They work great and they smell amazing, but they can cost quite a bit. If you only try one thing in their range, you must try this serum! It is a miracle worker. I have unruly wavy hair that tends to get very frizzy. I have struggled with the frizzies my whole life, and this is the ONLY thing that works for me. No drugstore product has the same effect. Just rub a little into your hands and smooth it down through the length of your hair, and voila… gorgeousness.
Smile: Okay, I know this sounds silly, but the plain old fact is that people are just prettier when they smile. It makes you look approachable and friendly. Use your pearly whites as Hubby-bait 
– just make sure there are no poppy seeds in your teeth LOL.
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. ~Phyllis Diller
Alright dollies, it’s your turn! Do you have a beauty product that you think is to die for? Got any special tips for looking/feeling fab? Tell us your secrets.
I’m back Darlinnnnnk and what a coincidence! – am revealing myvery own beauty secrets that my new readers have been clamouring for in my column ‘Your Lola Lifeline’ which my PA has almost finished transcribing(when she gets off her butt!!)
It’s a revised version of a post you, as a dear valued reader, may recall? Must try out your secrets – would love to hear what you think of mine too!! Mine is HERE. Hope you can join me!
Hugs & Kisses xxx
I love to use Nivea or Dove cream as body moisturizer..Elizabeth Arden green tea perfume is great for the summer time.
But Lancome and Estée Lauder have won my heart when comes to skin care.
I love branding perfume! Channel No.5, Gucci Envy & a lot more. For skin care, I use whatever suit my skin…. no particular branding. I think the last picture reminds me of “diamond is the girl best friend”! hahaha….. Hope you’re having a fabulous day, daaahling!
Cheers, Kristy
Daaaarling, what fun beauty secrets. I have bad cases of the frizzies too, my beauty tip? Wear a bandana ;P Works for me cos I go for the grungy look!
Seriously though, sunscreen is so absolutely important. And that’s about it for beauty tips from this not very exciting gal (I don’t wear make-up unless it’s for a special occasion, mainly cos I’m too lazy to do my face).
Have a lovely weekend dear.
hahaha what you said on strippers made me laugh… hilarious!
Fun post. You always make me smile!
We all have our little beauty secrets, don’t we?
(Why did I picture you as a blonde I wonder?)
I just can’t do girdles, I hate them. Even in an emergency. I do have a couple tummy controller type underpants, but those old 50’s girdles? Nope. And here I was wearing those when I didn’t need them! We all did. Of course back then, we were hooking our stockings to them too. Long live pantyhose!
Also can’t do high heels any more. (I AM getting old) Tried on a pair of old ones a week ago and could barely walk in them. Going to give them all away, :0
My hair secret is a Brazilian Keratin treatement every 3 months. Stops those frizzies and gives you healthy hair.
You’re so right about protecting your face. I ruined mine when I was young (well, we didn’t know back then did we?) and now spend half my time at the dermatologist’s office.
This is such great stuff! I love Kerastase too. And I actually swear by super pricey facial moisturizer. But for make up I’m all drug store brand!
Great tips, especially the smile! My only tip is to wash your face and moisturize before bed. Letting the moisturizer do its work on clean skin while you sleep is the best thing for your face.
If it can serve as any consolation…the excessive frizzy hair begins to tame down as you get older…I should know. Now my curls are going straight…and I’m actually regreting having complained about the frizz!
For the health of my skin and hair…first, limit sun exposure…drink water…eat raw almonds, walnuts and brasil nuts as well as incorporating ground flaxseeds in as many cold meals as I can.
I’ll use a great face moisturizer without the pricey brand name attached. Yes, I too apply the Kerastase products with great results.
I get to bed early and rise at the earliest sunrise to start my exciting day. I’m alive, am I not?
I avoid negative people at all cost…they’ll only make you feel and look older!
Weight has always been as issue…however, diets are out of the question. If I screw up…I vow to do better the next time…I try to be kinder to myslef and keep the pressure of pleasing everyone else to a big minimum!
All this has not come easy…it does get better as you start appreciating that there’s no definition of the perfect women. BTW…my grandfather loved really plumy women ;o))
Thanks for this post…it will hopefully help people question themselves on how the expectations should really be interpretted.
Ciao for now,
Claudia
Loved the bit about a smile! I can’t live without my Regenerist by Olay. I think my skin would crack up and fall right off. We live an a dessert and really I’m keeping all sorts of businesses a float . . .
What a daaahhling post especially for women like me who depends on reviews from gals like you ‘coz otherwise I’d be stuck with Mum’s Ponds cold cream!
Love the tips and a read full of chuckles
Ciao, Devaki @ weavethousandflavors
This was a very entertaining post. I’m a big fan of the Kerastase serum, too. No secrets over here, but I do like to get my eyebrows threaded rather than waxed. The shape is nicer and they say repeated waxing will make the skin above your eyes droopy-yuck.
Haha loved this HH! My secret-wear pearl earrings! They give the skin a subtle but flattering sheen
And I thought the last one was going to be “diamonds”! 
Hooray! Love your blog…I’ve got a little secret: I dont know if you can get this “on your side of the pond”…but it is amazing!
http://tinyurl.com/26jmhfb
I am very skeptical about beauty product claims. I have been using this since last December (same container). The last time I had my eyebrows threaded the lady asked me if my lashes were real. Before I started using it, I had sparse, short lashes. There is a prescription version out called Latisse which is twice as expensive.
Love, love, love! Have a fantastic weekend
Oh my goodness, I love this post!! I too use Benetint and I adore Kerastasse products. I use my Suave shampoo and conditioner but like leave ins by Kerastase and I also adore Moroccan Oil/ShuUmera in my hair, have you used it. I too use face oil, it keeps my skin silky soft. I’m Italian and have oily skin but I still love face oils. I’m with Barbara I like the Keratin treatment it took 4 hours but we had a blast at the salon, I did it for the first time in May and it is wonderful, I have not even needed to use any leave in products in my hair only my Suave and it is super hot and humid here. Anyway I have so enjoyed this beauty post, it has been a lot of fun.
A pretty white smile really is the best beauty secret and some diamonds of course
xoxo
Great post HH! I agree with you, I moisturize, moisturize, moisturize. I pratically bathe in lotion. AND, i could agree more about having nice white teeth.
One of my favorite new products is called Full of Grace from LUSH (I don’t work there anymore, but I still love it). It is a little serum bar that you put on before your moisturizer so that you are extra moisturized. It feels so good when you smooth it all over your face and it makes your skin glow! You can check it out here: http://www.lush.co.uk/index.php?page=shop.product_details&flypage=flypage.tpl&product_id=1348&category_id=493&option=com_virtuemart&Itemid=80
I meant to say that I couldn’t agree more about having nice, clean, white teeth!!
Love it…really do! Your post cracked me up BIG TIME heavenly. Love the smile and the curve bit! You are rocking it!!
I must have moisturizer or else. hehehe…I happen to like Clinique or this body spray from Victoria’s Secret.
Lovely space and informative reads. Nice to be here. Best wishes.
ha ha I love you! You’re seriously one of the best writers I know.
Your post always makes me laugh. Love it. I hate going to the gym in the summer too. I am always less motivated to do physical things during the summer, but that’s probably because it gets up to 105 over here every summer (I live in Northern CA). During winter, I am always motivated to be active and do all the fun stuff. Anyway, love your secrets. I’ve been buying a lot of Clinique products lately and they seem to work the best for me. My skin is firmer and smoother. hooray. 
wonderful post, I will have to keep an eye for that serum, crazy frizzy hair..ughhh…..i drink lots i mean lots of water, it is incredibly hot here and my skin need the extra hydration
sweetlife
Great tips and advice here! Love my Spanx and my Laura Mercier Tinted spf 20 moisturizer…and Dr. Pepper lip balm!
I do love benetint! and I agree with sun-block. I NEVER leave the house without spf 50+ on!
Now that I am 105, I can tell you listen to HH. Moisturize and stay out of the sun. Even when you are getting up there you can have great skin, and oh yes, always wear good perfume!!
I know very little about beauty products except that they are expensive. But the one thing that I do know is that Pantene makes THE BEST conditioner ever. I have tried a million other ones, including some super expensive ones, and I always go back to Pantene!
Oh you had me at the description of lettuce, that was hilarious. I was just saying yesterday that if I have had a salad I feel like I’ve not eaten a thing!!!
I love your beauty tips and was having a great time reading the comments for tips too.
I’m always searching for that amazing product, so I swap around and live in hope…
hugs DJ
Thanks HH, I learned and enjoyed a lot!
Actually I have been learning how not to get angry easily, one of the biggest causes for wrinkles but enemy for good health : ).
Cheers!
I agree, it is hard to be a woman! Men have absolutely no idea of everything we do to look gorgeous (and I am so with you on the lettuce, lol!). These are some great tips — I’m the same way with moisturier and sunblock…I never leave home without them on!
The benetint sounds lovely – must get some. Thanks for sharing your beauty secrets. I have tons…too many to list.. One of my favorite products is Rapid Lash. It is miraculous! I have the longest, thickest, curliest eyelashes ever. The stuff is amazing. xoxo
I need to find some beauty regime to get me started…..:O
Great post. I need to go through and read everyone else’s tips! Mine would be: Philsoophy’s Hope in a Jar moisturizer at night; and Bliss’s facial polish is a great exfoliant. I’m finding exfoliation to be more critical the older I get! For makeup: I like Eye Bright by BeneFit (really does brighten your eyes) and Shu Uemura’s eyelash curler…it even works on my short stubby lashes. And finally: exercise, sleep, drink water, and smile!
I’m a big fan of Benetint, been using it for years. Never heard of that “alternative” use for it though!!!!
I agree, Kerastase is the BEST!!
I’m all about the sunscreen.
I feel the girdle thing. It’s ridiculous–the only time I get six pack abs, no matter how I work out, is when I’m underweight. And then my boobs and hips shrink and my hourglass figure becomes a whisper of it’s formal self. But at a healthy weight? Even if I eat fish and veggies every day, there’s always a tiny pooch.
LOL – thanks HH. Sometimes the smile is the hardest part …
Thanks for all the tips…and love the way your write it…
LOL – Moisturize is definitely my biggest tip as well. It’s so dry in my neck of the woods that head to toe moisturizer and a good luffa sponge and pumice stone are a must.
Phyllis Diller – LOL, that’s what kids used to tease me with growing up. Love all the beauty tips, daaahling. I really do need to moisturize more, my skin is starting to show it’s age. I’m a bit of a tomboy so I don’t have too many tips to share, other than getting lots of sleep, otherwise my face turns into a giant pimple!
Great tips daaaahling!
Yes right time for me to go for some age miracle product!
But the cutest, the earliest and the most expensive product is a smile straight from heart! No beauty product can ever give the inner glow that a smiling face radiates!
Thanks, these are wonderful tips and I have to admit I have been a fan of benetint for years. I try to drink lots of water and sleep, but that’s more of a dream for me with 3 kids 5 and under. Oh and I use a Dermalogica type of peel to exfoliate it’s a must.
I love Kerastase products, especially their conditioners. They definitely are pricey, but worth it, as they actually DO SOMETHING to your hair, unlike so many cheaper products on the market that seem to make no difference at all on the ‘do.
LOL, such funny post,
love Kerastase myself.
I agree with you about smiling.
For me, it is important to drink a lot of water. A formula to go by is: measure your weight in pounds, divide it in half and drink that amount in ounces per day. e.g. Say one’s weight is 120 pounds, half of that is 60. This person should drink 60 ounces of water per day. One glass is about 8 oz so 60 is about 8 glasses.
Also, sleeping is crucial. Looking well-rested is underrated and not to mention how much better your mood will be.
Being Italian, I totes sympathise with the eyebrow situation, eep!
My secret weapon for getting a sexy, smooth silhouette is wearing Spanx under a tight dress. There’s a weekly exfoliation to keep my skin happy, and soaking my hair in my favourite honey conditioner.
Of course, all this is undone by late nights, junk food and caffeine instead of water, but we can’t have our cake and eat it too
Love this post! It’s right up my alley. I think I’ve tried almost every moisturizer out there. My favorite brands are RoC and La Roche Posay. Their skin creams work very well for my sensitive skin. I wholeheartedly agree about the sunblock, too. I’m a fanatic.
And the smile? Yes, it’s a woman’s best beauty secret. Good reminder to smile more.
I’ve been using an all natural facial cleanser from the rocky mountain soap company. It keeps my skin so clear and glowing that it eliminates the need for make up…just a smile
I smiled throughout the entire first paragraph. And I’m at work. And my job kinda sucks. So yeah… thanks =)
And funny you should mention Kerastase Nutritive Serum Oleo-Relax, I’ve literally wanted to try it for years and never got around to it. But as for my turn sharing, Redken Heat Glide is great for hair straightening, frizz control and heat protection; it’s my favorite serum! And Makeup Forever’s Full Cover Concealer for undereye circles!